I felt it dying as it burned one last time. No more light to illuminate the darkness, to keep the dark thoughts at bay. No more will it shine so brightly as it once did. No more, she has gone and dawn has come.

heartbreak....heartbreak......

and here I thought I had enough of that...silly Nani...

 hmm...

well that hurt...

So someone new has walked right into my life. It's exciting, thrilling and completely unexpected but very welcomed. He makes me feel great and when he holds me it's like he's holding on to a newfound treasure which I absolutely love. I like his company so far and I feel completely at ease with myself. 

In this moment, I am Content.  

So i finally moved out of mom's house and moved right into sisters house. This should be interesting. I've been rather quiet maybe because i am heartbroken. This feels like a great opportunity to change everything i want to be rid off.

Being away from mother has calmed my anxiety, i don't feel as anxious as before which is refreshing. I am without a love in my life, heartbroken by both so maybe i should give love a rest?! maybe it's better this way in order to focus my life.

I want to change. I want a new way of thinking, getting toned up and just an overall change in me, i want to erase who i am and become someone else. I want a whole new me. I am tired of this me, tired of my heart and of all.

The voices are clouding my thoughts, my disorganized emotions and my lack of patience is getting to me. I wish to not feel, i wish to just live without falling in love. ehhh....w/e

The surgery went Great! they removed the tumor and she is recovering...I was a bit nervous since the surgery lasted almost 8 hours but thank god it went smooth. I was put off by her doctor who didn't bother to come tell us that the surgery was done or even spoke to my mom to let her know how everything went. When i see him tomorrow i will definitely tell him a piece of my mind after i thank him.  

envy...sadness...feeling incomplete...

 to love truly and deeply....and to be loved that is all i want....

 So i am super nervous, mom's surgery is on the 4th. My nerves are running high and i am grateful to all the wonderful friends who are there for me. I feel sad and been feeling sick form it, my sugar has been through the roof and my high blood pressure as well. Had to be in bed for 2 days just to make the headache go away. 

Sucks! 

Aside from all the stress i missed class again on Saturday so i don't know if i will get dropped by my teacher, i will try to explain the situation but we'll see. 

So on top of that a friend is having a party where three photographers will be displaying their work (including me) and i AM super nervous since i've never done that before. :( 

I never feel like an artist, i always feel i am not good enough. Maybe because the lack of pictures i have taken these last few months, but i feel so detached from it, i feel so sickly. I have scouted a few places that i would love to take pictures BUT just walking 15 minutes will put in bed for 2 days...I am so tired of this.....sooo tired of the 10 pills a day i have to take in order to function, and not even then i function at my best.

She has kept me afloat, luckily i have her. She shields me from all and gives me the support i need. I love her too much. Maybe i am depending on her too much, i need to stop. 

I miss him, i wish he was here for me but he's not. I worry about him, i wonder how worried and stressed he must be about things in his life. And i wish him the best. I wish him an amazing life and career, i wish him to be the person that i know he can be, i smile at this thought. I just want him happy, completely happy. 

 I need to rest, i am tired.

Can i get some rest yet? I just want to lay down and not wake for a hundred years. 

I have to stay calm, relaxed. I fear for my health with all the stress right now, everyday i feel worse than the day before and it feels like my head is going to explode. All i need right now is to be in the hospital again, No...that would be completely horrible.