Why do i have such a strong personality? FUCk.."thanks mom" ::::said sarcastically:::::

i got into it with someone at work..i hate people talking down to me and giving me attitude...so the bitch did it again and i never stay quiet so obviously all hell was going to break loose. i told her that she needs to tone it down & she started to tell me how to act and whatnot. HA! the nerve. so she took it to my director, all this fucking drama cause she wanted me to do whatever she told me to. too funny. so in front of my director she went on to betray me- (we were friends). She started to spill everything i have told her in confidence about a supervisor we both don't like. Obviously i even stated, "i respect your opinion of me" and went on to the issue at hand-as to not look like a gossiper like herself. What a fucking moron- i laughed inside. I simply stated that there no reason for her to speak to me in that manner. My director pointed out to her that she was deviating from the problem at hand. So anyways-made a big fucking deal out of nothing.. HA. I just smiled. I love confrontations cause it brings out the real in all of us. I must confess that i felt betrayed, very much betrayed. I had the same opportunity to spill what she has said but i decided against it, it just seemed so low to me. oh well, at the end i was asked if i had any other concerns-i pointed out that i don't as long as i get treated with respect and didn't see what the big deal was. I LMAOROFL inside.

Anyways..That was my fucking day. NIICE.

on other news..

its been a crazy week...i haven't heard from someone that interests me. so i am a bit confused.

odd...

what is this? ahhh...is the feeling of a new crush. Exciting!!


Changes...Changes are always good...Let's see how this is going to play out. I wonder..

i start school again on the 16th....i cant wait to start...after this break i will only get a 1 week break between quarters, enough to keep me so occupied that i wont worry about matters of the heart. Can this be over soon?

my camera broke...:( i have to call to get it fixed...but i am getting my Nikon D80, been saving up..its so damn costly!! GAWD!!!

I delete my facebook..its just why be a masochist? also deleted some people from my AIM...its pointless to continue hurting myself on purpose... Out of Sight, Out of mind...

i cant wait to finis school to be so far away from here..i know i sound like a broken record but i really am drowning here...


the only thing that makes me smile is her..she makes my heart skip and i just wanna hold her forever..but i know me & her wont have a real relationship, a real commitment...

i'll be gone someday...not even a trace of me left will remain...oh sweet time make this come fast.

i have a headache, those nasty headaches that are due to stress and worry. Problems at work so i have to stand up again and fight for my rights...

on other news, i never got the happy b-day wish...was a fool to think i was gonna get it. but hey w/e. People seem to have forgotten how important words are. am i a mind reader?

i am tired....i just wanna sleep for 3 days straight...so much stress...this weight on my shoulders is getting heavier by the minute.

so i fucked up my hair today--i freaked and went straight to my stylist...its all better now... ^_^

I spent most of my b-day alone..don't feel sorry for me. i Hate my birthday, i get depressed and i like to spend it completely alone. BUt today i didn't get too sad. It just sucks...it makes me think of my life and what i haven't done yet with it. Also the one that i care about doesn't even call me to say happy b-day, not even a text, not even a word (that breaks my heart). I wish things weren't like that, i wish i was thought of more but nope, i am nothing to this person and i never will. Sometimes i wish to leave this place and never come back, never to be so near yet so far. I want to forget this person and never feel so much love and so much pain.

it was a rather peaceful day until the thoughts started creeping in...thoughts of lost loves and hopeless dreams. I wish i didn't have a heart, i wish i can quiet it, just press the mute button. i Hate Love, i hate it so much specially today.

i am 25 today...is it where i wanted to be? yes...

i wont ponder on the "what ifs" but i am looking towards a future not so far away.

im upset tonight...my friend got fired for looking at her phone, yes not talkin on it not even texting just by looking at it...the girl that has it against me fired her...BITCH...im mad..so im gonna go vent a little bit more.

ok i cant help it..but i have to vent...so there's a girl who is obsessed with the girl i have a crush on. dude i mean this girl goes on my page and stalks it. like seriously fucking weird. I dont know what shes trying to accomplish with that. She is always asking me and my crush if we went out during the weekend or she tries so fucking hard to get into our business.I seriously wish i can say a big "fuck off" but unfortunately she's one of my bosses. She's a very sneaky bitch...and when i go see my crush she always, ALWAYS hits on her to get me pissed off (well she tries it doesnt bother me). What a fucking sad excuse of a woman.I am so annoyed. When i get to work shes like, 'oh yea i liked that picu posted"--dude!! you're not even on my buddy list... gawd..i feel like my space is being invaded so i set it on private. i cant even post ppics of me and crush when we go off cause she starts to question us on why we didnt call for her to go with us--uhm...common sense..we dont like u! gawd. ok i am done.

so...i finished my final project for photography-i did nude artistic pictures of the girl that i have a crush on...i feel empty...and yet so content with my life...i am happy about my school, photography but i feel sorta sad as well..i don't like to feel this way because i feel like i bring this on to myself. Why cant it all be good-all around?

my friends are getting married and having kids...why do i want that? but at the same time i don't. i want a career, i want to be a photographer. so why am i envious of that which i don't have? it just sucks. Love is always eluding me. but eh, what can i do? nothing...i wont settle for less. I am so happy about so many things but i wish i had someone to share them with. :( it sucks.. to feel lonely at the most joyful times of your life.

Next week i have finals. turning in all my projects for different classes.i'll have a whole month off. sweet.


oh yea..btw..i might have to place my myspace on private..unwanted drama is being thrown my way and the truth is that i dont want to deal with it. sucks..i dont know why people have to be always checking what u do and stalking your page.

like moths to a fucking flame..i love it...i laugh at it...i must not become it...It seems a bit too much to me...